


Conspiring Against The Big Brother

by DaFox12



Series: BatFluff [3]
Category: Batman - Fandom
Genre: Gen, conspiring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 09:26:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4914124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaFox12/pseuds/DaFox12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick's new girlfriend is shallow and only in it for the money. And the chance to date Gotham's "most attractive man." But, she has to go. Who better to do it than his brothers and ex together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Damian

Damian frowned at Jason who promptly stuck out his tongue in an incredibly childish manner in response. This was how most of the evening went. Dick had insisted on taking them-the bat-brothers- out to dinner while Bruce was gone on business. Basically, his suggestion was me with groaning from all, Tim whining about it cutting into his sleep, Jason about an appointment of some sort, and Damian about needing to take the dog for a walk. All complaints were met with typical Dick insistence and smiles, ending, ultimately with them all here. But, even though they were here, that didn't mean that they had to behave. So came the childish words, gestures and under-the-table foot wars, much different for impressively trained teens than for average humans. The most irritating part of the night, (for Damian, at least,) wasn't the silly play fights or Dick's disapproving glare that came about every time the waitress did, but, rather the way the waitress treated them. Specifically, the way she treated Dick. Every time she came to the table, she leaned over to give Dick a perfect view of her cleavage. And he didn't notice. At all. He was the most foolish and ignorant human being to walk the Earth, Damian had decided. She was obviously trying to get with the heir to Wayne Enterprises as many women did. And, as always, Dick was oblivious. Damian did not like the waitress, he did not like her at all. He had decided this after she mentioned her name for the-no joke, literally- 17th time to the table. It was Kelly, by the way. 

Dick's behavior was all an act. He put on a show to keep an image. His own image. He knew the waitress was flirting with him. He also knew that his behavior drove Damian positively insane, which made it all the more amusing. Dick had, however, realized that, while slightly shallow, the waitress was incredibly beautiful. 

As Dick looked at the receipt, then pulled a wad of cash out of his wallet, Damian peered over at the flimsy piece of paper and scoffed out loud. The obnoxious woman had scrawled her phone number on the silly thing. Damian had scoffed for two reasons. One, at the absurdity of the thought of his older brother dating such a shallow and obnoxious woman, and two, at the fact that now Dick would surely realize what was really going on. As soon as Dick rose, so did the other boys, and Damian noticed Dick sliding the folded receipt into his jacket pocket. Damian glared at Dick, which was met by laughter from Tim. A weird, hollow laugh, as if he hadn't laughed or been around other people in a while. It was possible, Damian thought. The four boys shuffled out the door, Dick getting stopped by the waitress again, this time she said goodbye and gave a snide glance at Damian's scowl. She then laughed at her apparently fake glare when Dick took notice. Damian shook his head, rolled his eyes and followed Jason out the door. 

The next morning, when Damian woke up, he had to do a double-take of the woman sitting at the table. It was the waitress. As soon as she saw the young assassin, she leapt up to give him a hug. From what Damian gathered about the following sentences, Dick had gone out with her after he put Damian to bed.  
"Dami, what's wrong?" Dick had leapt out of his chair and away from Kelly to catch up with Damian as he walked away.  
"Damian, talk to me!" Damian continued to storm off, away from Dick, away from that despicable woman. Damian grumbled something under his breath and continued to walk. Dick rolled his eyes once he caught up to the boy, ruffled his hair, and walked back to the dining table and Kelly. Damian was angry. Angry at her for making Dick worry about him. Okay, though he would never admit it, Damian was just jealous over the fact that she would be getting a lot of Dick's time. Time to be spent with Damian.


	2. Tim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim realizes why Kelly needs to go.

Tim sneezed loudly. Kelly batted her eyelashes at Dick and turned her head towards Tim.   
"Oh, god bless you, you poor thing! I hope you aren't sick!" She gave an incredibly fake frown. Damian and Jason exchanged beyond amused glances. To that, Bruce gave a disapproving bat-glare. Tim knitted his eyebrows.   
"I, uh, I appreciate the concern, Kelly, but I'm fine." Dick turned and looked at Kelly lovingly. He parted her blonde hair and rubbed noses with her.   
"Aww, you're so sweet. What would we do without you?" Kelly raised her shoulder almost seductively. Tim stuck his finger in his mouth and made a retching noise. Damian and Jason giggled in agreement. Bruce's stern glare fell on them both again.   
"Is something wrong, Tim?" Tim immediately looked remorseful, though all but Alfred and Kelly could see straight through it.   
"Uh, hah. No, Bruce. I'm good." Damian and Jason were officially not allowed to sit next to each other again by Alfred's decree as their giggling grew again, this time to a plainly audible level.   
After dinner concluded, Tim grabbed his big red duffel bag and was about to walk out the door when none other than Kelly stopped him. Her eyes were wide.   
"Timmy! Where are you going? Aren't you going to stay for the game?" Tim raised an eyebrow.   
"Game?"   
"Yeah, Dick and I decided that I should get better aquatinted with your dad and your brothers. I though of how fun it would be if we all played a bored game. We're playing LIFE, by the way. Dick said it was his favorite. How weird that it's mine, too, right?"  
Tim almost scoffed. Yeah. Weird. Tim silently cussed. He had intended on going back to his apartment for a few days before going back to Titans tower. He had figured that it would take at least that long for anyone to be concerned. But this persistent, obnoxious and shallow woman intended to appease Dick, using them all as tools. Tim would have rather taken on Doomsday singlehandedly than endure this selfish woman's pestering. But, she seemed to make Dick happy. And that's what mattered, right? Ugh. Decision made. Tim's conscience won again.   
"Uh, yeah, I guess I'll stay." Her eyes lit up.   
"Great!" She had him follow her to Alfred's sitting room, forbidden to all but its namesake.   
"Ah, um, Kelly, this is Alfred's room. No one but him or Bruce is really allowed in here." Apparently, she did not care, as her response was,  
"You call your dad Bruce and not dad?" She cocked her head to the side. Tim shook his head and ran off, out of the room. As soon as he was out of Kelly's sight, he ran his hand through his hair and sighed. This woman, she was so strange. Well, not really. It was obvious. For everyone, not just the World's (2nd) Greatest Detective. She obviously wanted the riches, most attractive and famous person she could think of: Dick. Honestly, though his brother was happy, Tim realized something. This woman, this shallow, obsessive and obnoxious woman, had to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	3. Jason

Jason's bloody, cut and bruised body sulked down the main hall of Wayne Manor. He stopped at the kitchen table, sat down at the head, and kicked his feet up on the table.   
"Good heavens! Master Jason!" Jason looked at Alfred with a sarcastic and mocking tone to his eyes.   
"You, sir, know much better than to leave your feet on my nice, clean table!"  
"Not at all concerned about the blood I'm oozing everywhere?" From behind Jason, a gasp was audible. Then, Jason's world was overshadowed by a mass of wavy blonde hair.   
"OHMYGOSH YOU POOR THING WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!? Did you get into a fight?!?" Jason pushed her back.   
"Back off, babe. You may be dating my 'brother' but that doesn't mean you get to know everything there is to know about me!" Kelly's face of disgusted contempt was probably only noticeable to Jason, not to Dick, who was standing right behind him. Dick's face of horror, however, was recognizable to all. Whether or not it was Jason's air quotes around "brother" or his blatant disregard for his girlfriends feelings that made him look the way he did was questionable. Dick just stood there, mouth agape, for about a good 30 seconds before his expression became one of anger. Dick wrapped his right arm around Kelly and used his left arm to shove Jason's chair back.   
"BACK OFF!" Dick screamed beyond fiercely, at least for him. Jason caught himself and performed an impressive back-handspring, landing on his feet, but he didn't move from there. His mouth just hung open, his expression one of pure, utter surprise. Dick had never acted like that towards him, or anyone, for that matter, except for apparently the Joker after Jason died. At least, that's what Bruce had told him. Did he believe it? Maybe. But that wasn't the point. The point was, Dick was changing for this-this horrific, shallow, jerk of a woman. Jason could just barely hear Kelly's conversation with Dick as they walked back up to Dick's room where they had spent the previous night. It went a little like this:  
"Kel, I'm really sorry for the way he acted. He's-he's such a child sometimes! And I-"  
"Oh, don't worry about it, handsome. He can't help it. Being raised by a billionaire who has no time at all for any of you, well that must be hard. He must have saved all his love for the first." She batted her eyelashes and rubbed noses with Dick.   
"Thank you for understanding. You really are the best." Kelly threw her head over her shoulder to give Jason a triumphant and snide glance. Man, if she wasn't so evil, Jason may have wanted to get on that. But, he could never do that to Dick. But what he could do, was get her away from his brother. No air quotes this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, comment please? Even if you aren't a user you can do it! Please!


	4. Conclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plotting and Kelly's downfall.

Bruce wasn't ever nervous or unsettled. He'd seen it all. So many years of the strangest city on Earth will do that to you. But there was one thing that made him nervous. That purely, truly unsettled him. His three youngest were in the same room as each other. And the room was silent. There was no noise coming out of it except for vague whispers, belonging to all three. Damian hadn't murdered them all yet. But they seemed to have been getting along all day. Only Dick could get them to do that, but it seemed Dick was either out with that new girlfriend of his, or sleeping with her. So what had united them? Now that..... That was a truly, purely terrifying thought. Not even Crane could scare Bruce that much. 

Barbara always listened in. Even when it was just for her own amusement. It was about 15 minutes until patrol time, and she was listening in to the conversation between Jason, Tim, and Damian.   
"...... she really just has to go."  
"Damian, we don't get to just kill her. Dick would never speak to us again. Besides, what would Bruce say?"  
"Who cares what Bruce would say, Replacement?"  
"Okay, then, what about what Dick would say? I really don't like that bit-"  
"Still, Dick's the oldest son of the World's Greatest Detective. He won't be that easy to trick. We need someone who knows him better than we do."  
Barbara leaned back in her wheelchair and gave a small but slightly sadistic smile. She clicked a few buttons in rapid succession, then leaned forward into her microphone.   
"I may be able to help with that, boys."

All three looked around, utterly bewildered.   
"Did Bruce really install speakers in the house since I died? Really?"  
"Oracle, you know him better than anyone else. You can't imagine how awful Kelly is. Can you get him or her to want to break up with the other?"

Barbara's smile was nothing if not mischievous. Just because she wasn't with Dick anymore didn't mean they weren't still friends and she didn't get to mess with him, right? Not that she didn't have ulterior motives.  
"Sure. Gimme a few seconds to hack her phone. Then sit back, relax, and wait several hours until they aren't with each other so my whole texting equals single Dick plan will actually work."  
"Cool. Thanks, Babs. You really are way better than that shallow little sl-" Even over speakers, Barbara could feel Bruce's Bat-Glare fall on Tim.   
"You all needed to be in the cave fifteen minutes ago. Move!"

Upon returning from patrol, the whole family slept at the manor. Dick was already asleep with Kelly. Dick hadn't gone on patrol in a few days because she kept insisting on sleeping at "his house," and even though Dick had his own apartment, he brought her to the Manor also at her insistence. She probably just wanted to get used to what she thought would be hers someday. She was in for a surprise. 

Dick rolled out of bed, careful not to wake Kelly. His only light being the scarlet of his old alarm clock, he still managed to make it to the bathroom. After a few moments, he slid back into his bed. He happened to bump his phone and it flickered to life. On it was a text from Kelly, though based on the text's context, it wasn't meant for his eyes. It said, "Hey, sorry Kelsey, I know I promised you a tour of the mansion, but you will probably have to wait a few years. It'll happen, though. I have this little dummy wrapped around my finger. He's super hot, but really stupid. I mean, come on. I am so far out of his league it's not even funny. Just because he's rich does not mean he's smart. The only issue about him aside from his brain is his twerpy little brothers. What a bunch of brats. To appease him, I have to act like I care. Ugh. They're all so dumb. He's pretty good in bed, though." Dick dropped his phone back on the nightstand without a care. He made no attempt to leave Kelly sleeping as he stormed downstairs, his ebony hair thrashing all the way. 

Barbara happened to stop by that morning, "coincidentally." When Dick stormed to the breakfast table, he noticed her, sitting, reading the paper intently. She smiled sweetly when she noticed him, though it was laced with an ounce of venom.   
"Hey, Dick! How are you!" Dick grumbled some sort of reply. Alfred, who was already eating, gave Barbara a curious glance. Barbara's grin turned mischievous. Her plan had worked. Moments later, Kelly sunk down the steps. Barbara frowned. The boys would miss this if they weren't down here in about .004 seconds. Miraculously, however, too miraculously to not be planned, all three boys descended behind her, thudding loudly the whole way.   
"Dickie, why'd you leave me? Oh, hi! Who are you?" The second question was directed at Barbara. Dick shot a glare at her as he yanked out his cereal from the pantry.   
"I'm Barbara. An old family friend."  
"Oh. I'm Kelly. Nice to meet you. So, can we help you?" Kelly batted her eyelashes in jealousy. The way Dick looked at Barbara set Kelly on edge.   
"No, Damian just needed some help with his homework for a computer class at school. I just happen to be an expert at computers." Okay, it wasn't the best excuse ever, but Kelly didn't know any better.   
"Okay. Dickie," Kelly walked behind him and grabbed his hips. "What's wrong?" Dick continued on, ignoring her entirely.   
"Dick?" She put on her best fake look of concern.   
"What's wrong? That's a good question. Maybe the fact that you thought you played me. And NO. ONE. TALKS. ABOUT. MY. FAMILY. THAT. WAY." Kelly stood there, utterly bewildered. Dick held up his phone, and opens the text. Her mouth hung open. Jason barely suppressed laughter.   
"I.... There must be a mistake. I don't know anyone named Kelsey. And I would never say those things! I must have been.... I don't know..... Hacked or something! Computer girl!" Barbara looked up from the paper.   
"Don't talk to her. You don't deserve to talk to someone as good as her you sick little bit-" Dick looked at Damian and stopped himself. "Get out. Now." Fake tears welled up in her eyes and Kelly sprinted past Barbara. Babs reached out as to get her to stop, but didn't say anything.   
"Oh, thank heaven she's gone." All eyes were on Alfred. Dick sighed and rested his head in his hands.   
"If you hated her, why..... Why didn't you say anything......"   
"Ahem. Dick, we wanted you to realize how horrible she really was, not to get rid of her because of us." Tim looked embarrassed for having a part in such a thing, but also slightly triumphant.   
"Babs..... You hacked her phone, didn't you?" Barbara's face fell.   
"Yeah. I did. But I didn't make up what she said. Look." Barbara held up Kelly's phone.  
"Where did you get that?" Jason's tone was certainly amused.  
"I picked her pocket on the way out. I hope she doesn't miss it." As soon as Dick was done reading the exact same message, Barbara dropped Kelly's state-of-the-art-and-probably-bought-with-Dick's-money-phone, then wheeled over it, the crunch echoing slightly. Dick sighed again. Barbara gave a sheepish grin.   
"Sorry, Alfred. I'll clean that up."   
"Nonsense, Ms. Gordon." Dick looked all around, before his eyes settled on Barbara.   
"I forgot how good you were."  
"A mistake you're gonna fix, Grayson?"  
"We'll see."   
"You'd better. Your brothers like me a heck of a lot more than they like that bit-" Dick leaned in and kissed her, and Tim put his hand over Damian's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You finished. Great. Now, leave me a comment to show how much you liked it! Also, maybe some title suggestions? The title is awful. You can probably come up with a better one.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, though the title is exceedingly poor, was the story at least good? Let me know, please!!!!!!


End file.
